That’s my Godson’s favorite quote. Pretty profound. Perhaps I should heed that advice.
it’s the thought of what could have been that breaks our hearts the most . . .
That line was written by Jen at Prior Fat Girl about how she’s feeling in her life right now. But, wow, Helloooooo Susan?
I live my life worried. I wish I could not. But I don’t know how. I know things are beyond my control. I know the “Let Go, Let God” mantra. I understand the concept. Acting on it? Not so much.
- Be Susan.
- Act the way I want to feel.
- Be gentle with myself.
- Stop drifting. Be mindful.
- Let it go.
- Lighten up.
- Do what is right.
- Live in the now.
- Look for good in all people.
- Give in to love.
Earlier this year I chose “fearless” as my word for the year. I wanted to be fearless in my life. To take chances where I hadn’t before. I thought I wrote about it somewhere, but I guess I didn’t.
So here I am at the end of the year to talk about what I did that was fearless. For the first time in nine years, I went on a date. With someone who had the potential to be someone in my life. I know it seems silly that that would be my fearless option for the year, but trust me, it took every ounce of courage I had to take the leap.
I wish I had written about it, now that the relationship is over. I wish I had documented what I felt as I went through it. He is a good man, but I know I did the right thing by ending it. Two weeks out though, it’s still hard every day. I miss him. I’d hoped we could be friends, but he’s chosen not to communicate with me anymore. That makes me sad. I *liked* him, you know?
Now is time to think about what my word for 2012 will be. (Ugh, 2012. WTF?)
I am not a meat eater either. I have decided that if I crave bacon, I am going to eat it. I don’t have a taste for any other meat. Turkey, chicken, beef or other selections of pork. I don’t really think of bacon as my gateway drug. But I also don’t feel like I can consider myself a vegetarian. So I’ve decided not to place a “title” on my eating.
My dearest friend has a lump. It’s been confirmed by a sonogram and mammogram. She suspects it is an inflammed lymph node. Based on her medical history, she’s probably right. But tomorrow she has an appointment with a surgeon. The doctor who did mom’s mastectomy.
The first teacher who popped into my mind was my 12th grade English teacher. She was so negative about my writing and I was the editor of our school newspaper. Near the end of the year, I won first place in our district for news writing. Back in class, my friend Roy brought it to her attention. He was standing up for me, my skills. Her response? It was along the lines of, “I taught her everything she knows.” I’m pretty sure we just rolled our eyes and went back to playing MTV Hangman.
The second teacher was my fourth grade teacher. She was mean. I remember being ear pinched and dragged around. I remember feeling stupid and spending lots of recesses sitting out working on school work. Till one day our head minister stopped by and asked what we were doing. He told us we needed to go play and released us. We never had to do recess homework again.
My best friend described my laugh several years ago perfectly: “It is HAHAHAHAHAHA.” I think it was said during a conversation about me being such a perfectionist that even my laugh used a laugh word: ha.
And, if you listen carefully, you can hear it. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I think I have a great laugh. It’s distinctive. Usually pretty loud.
I’ve had people find me in a crowd by following my laughter. Which, when you think about it, is pretty cool.