The biggest change in my life going on the anti-depressants (besides the anti depression part) was my relationship with my mom. Pretty much up until 2002, she drove me nuts. NUTS. People would always talk about how lucky I was and how close we must be. Ha.
Mom got the wrath of the missing syntax’s of my brain. Usually in the form of anger. The weird thing is no one else ever saw it. Maybe glimpses, but not the every day of it. At any given time, we never knew what my mood might be or when it might swing.
So the best benefit of the drugs is living on a whole different plane with my mom. Like I’m guessing normal people do. I am so grateful for the relationship we have now.
I was pleased Saturday when she seemed to handle my doing something without her pretty well. Then yesterday afternoon she called and asked what I’d been doing. I told her “nothing” because that was the truth.
She pulled out her accusatory tone and said that she’d stopped by earlier and I hadn’t been home. “Well, I’ve been here all day.” I asked if she pulled in the driveway, she said no that she’d just driven by and my car wasn’t there. “My car isn’t here? Hold on.” After a quick check I told her that no, my car was there, maybe further back in the driveway than normal, but I’d been home all day.
And today, an hour plus visit on her way home from work. Plus she must stop by again tomorrow to give me a library book to return. I can literally hear the happy in her voice when she know when she’ll see me next.
And today, I was aggravated. You know, it’s Monday? Sometimes you just want some silence. At least, I do. So I need to be watching my mood. Is this the start of something I need to pay attention to? Tomorrow Celexa goes done to 10mg. The bare minimum. I hope I can get by.