I thought I would feel better today. That a good night's sleep would reset everything. But I keep hearing the minister say in a deep, booming voice, So take a good look at my face (dramatic pause), you'll see my smile looks out of place (another dramatic pause), if you look closer it's easy to trace, the tracks of my tears. At that moment, it felt like a kick in the gut. The confirmation of my disbelief. You'll see my smile looks out of place. I remember lots of giggles in his house. It makes me sad that this man who brought so much happiness to others had no joy in his own heart. Five children. Four grandchildren. 30+ years of students who adored him. And so much despair.