This post title has been clanking around in my mind for a while now. I’ve just not been in the place to write about it. I’ve not been able to figure out how to articulate what I mean by that. Then I read this post over at BaylorGirl and, well, here I am.

I do not feel like I am living an authentic life. I feel like every day I get up, go through the motions and suddenly it’s time to get up and do it all over again. It feels like my life is passing me by.

I don’t know that I know what I am supposed to be doing, but this is not it. Sure, I make a decent living and enjoy the people I work with, but this is not it.

I have this deep need to do something that makes a difference in the world. OK, maybe not "the world" but at least my little part of it.

When I visualize my authentic self, she is not corporate. She’s not someone who works 8 to 5. She’s not a suit. She works somewhere she can wear jeans and take her dog to work. She works with people who are in it to make a difference too. They are collaborative and committed. They are inspired by their work. They don’t care if she has her nose pierced.

She’s a vegetarian who lives a green life. She cooks her own meals. Bakes her own bread. Has a garden in the back yard. She recycles and might even have her own compost pile. She drives a Prius.

Her house is not cluttered. Is neat and tidy. Her wardrobe is simple and her belongings mean something. She travels, but not as a tourist. She takes volunteer vacations.

She is someone who writes. Really writes.

I know she is here somewhere. And I feel like I am making baby steps to find her. But I don’t know if I can ever live a fully authentic life.

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